Bogart likes to joke about how I’m a walking to-do list. Usually it’s after I’ve told him about something cool we should do, somewhere we should go, invited him to an event via Google Calendar, or sent him an actual to-do list of shit I want to get done around the apartment. So you know, the comment is completely unwarranted and totally out of line. The other night, I suggested we go to an outdoor movie on Sunday. Bogart said he thought we were going to see Ghostbusters. Silly boy, we can do both.
Me: I just want to do so many things.
B: Or we could do no things.
Me: But there are soooo many things to doooooo.
He then told me I’m like Leslie Knope, which I took as a compliment.
I like lists, I like plans, I like calendars and checking off little boxes (not crossing things out), and I want to do ALL THE THINGS.
My problem is that sometimes (most times) all my amazing lists and plans and goals from Sunday fall apart by Wednesday. I’ll plan out 21 beautiful, Instagram-worthy plant-based meals, go to three stores to do all the grocery shopping necessary for my hippie bullshit, and end up throwing away a full bag of bok choy that became fridge soup instead of blended in a breakfast smoothie. I’ll wake up fully intending to spend an entire Saturday immersed in one of my freelance projects, and wind up binge-watching The Office on Netflix for the third time in two years. I’ll start my workday with my Don’t Fucking Procrastinate mug and five projects I want to work on, only to find myself re-reading my Twitter feed from 2012 because I’m just so fucking hilarious (don’t act like you don’t do that too). The point is, once I get derailed all bets are off—it’s very all or nothing. And because my goals are so big, my lists so long, my schedule so tight, it’s very easy for me to go off course. Then I feel guilty, spend all my money on garbage food, and watch even more Netflix. It’s not a good time.
So this month I’m going to try something a little different: Instead of getting all caught up in the idea of ‘fixing’ everything all at once, I’m taking baby steps. Mind you, those baby steps still make my boyfriend think I’m a bit … off, but they are attainable while filling my need to plan. Plus I still get to make kickass lists:
Oh, and Bogart and I are just going to see *one* movie tomorrow. Somehow I’ll survive.