Message received

There’s been a lot of talk on the Interwebz lately about how people communicate in dating scenarios. This bro lost his shit because the woman he was texting didn’t enjoy his terrible attempt at double entendre; this woman‘s list of demands seems a bit … much; and this guy clearly does not have that whole ‘patience is a virtue’ thing figured out.

We seem to be in this really weird intersection where the idea of constant access to people actually causes more problems then it solves. We even have the option to know when someone has read our text/email/Facebook message/Snapchat/What’s App/whatever the fuck we use. This is, in my personal experience, the opposite of helpful. Public Service Announcement from me to you: If you have PURPOSELY ENABLED read receipts on your iPhone, kindly turn it the fuck off right now. I know you opted in to that horseshit. Seriously, they were created by Satan himself. They might even be the goddamned devil incarnate. And seriously, Apple? Read receipts are worse than that stupid U2 album that you tried to make happen.

Communication is hard, especially when feels enter the picture. But what’s the etiquette? If you’re texting, and you get busy, are you expected to tell the other person? I’ve known people who did that, and it was very polite, if unnecessary. What about the appropriate turnaround time for a response to an email/message on a dating site? It can get awkward if they know you’ve logged in and you still haven’t responded, but sometimes you just don’t know what to say and need to figure it out. Other times, you get distracted by videos of boxer puppies on trampolines. There are also the people who just ghost: you’re having a perfectly normal conversation, and they just disappear. I assume they were attacked by an escaped velociraptor from Isla Nublar, because clearly they could not have possibly grown tired of my endless charming banter.

I have yet to find a graceful way to extract myself from a conversation that has begun the downward spiral to ‘We’re Never Gonna Meetsville,’ so my replies eventually get shorter and more infrequent until I’m just sending monosyllables once every couple of weeks. Sometimes, even if I like the people I’m talking to, it’s exhausting keeping up, being funny all the time (because I’m funny, shut up), proving my worth.

Great idea: anytime I’m at a loss for words, I’ll just send a picture of my cat. The Internet loves cats! How I am still single is a mystery.

Josephine is thrilled at the idea.
Josephine is thrilled at the idea.



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