That’s what he said

Last night, after a week apart, I had a long-overdue reunion. 

Of course I’m talking about wine.

Glug glug glug.
Glug glug glug.

A friend and I polished off a bottle of sparkling merlot (yes, that is a thing that exists), and had an impromptu wine tasting of all the delicious half-finished bottles in my fridge because I’m classy like that. I’m also feeling rather lazy after all that wine, so I’m letting someone else do the dirty work today. You’ve met this character before, so here’s Sachin yet again with a more testosterone-y take on dating in Toronto:


Much like Stef thinks about herself, I think I’m a lot of fun to be around. I’m very outgoing and can talk about almost any subject. I will find something that we have in common and talk your ear off. You like a sport? We’re insta-friends. Wanna debate if Thor could beat The Hulk in a fight? I’m your new best friend. You like musicals? Let’s go to karaoke and sing Summer Nights. I have a wonderful collection of friends; many I have known for over nine years, so I must be doing something right.

What I can’t do is walk up to a girl and try and pick her up. Some of my friends can go up to any girl and strike up a conversation without the fear of rejection. I, on the other hand, have no confidence when it comes to talking to women. One of my good friends and I actually praise each other just for working up the courage to ask out a girl. Seriously, we do our Konami Code handshake, and then go back to playing Smash Up and drinking tea. I swear we are cool.

If I ever meet the Wizard of Oz, I will ask him for confidence. That’s a bit of a long shot, so thank God Stef introduced me to Tinder.

Tinder makes things so much simpler. No need to message girls who have zero interest like on Plenty of Fish. Just swipe and hope for the best. No wasting time, no need to actually approach a girl and have to see the look in her eyes of, ‘Why is he talking to me?’ Just hide in the comfort of my  apartment and judge girls based solely on their looks. What could be easier?

I entered online dating with no real intentions of finding anything substantial. However, one of my favourite people did find someone on Tinder, and have been together for over a year now and live together. In the words of Dave Grohl, ‘Stranger things have happened.’ I figured at the very least I’d get out there and try and talk to women. As my friend Tommy Destiny and I reasoned, it would be like levelling up skills in a Final Fantasy type game. We really find ways to make dating exciting.

Shit, I got a match and now need to actually message her. Maybe it’s not too late for my parents to arrange a marriage for me.



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