Steph Not Stephanie

Just when you thought it was safe to go online, I’ve managed to find him: the creepiest guy on the interwebz. Be forewarned, this post isn’t for the weak of stomach.

Earlier this week, I was talking to a ‘gentleman’ online, and we had a disagreement about one of my core values (he doesn’t believe in equal marriage rights). That’s a non-starter for me, so I wished him the best of luck finding what he was looking for. He wanted to ‘debate the issue,’ and when I declined, shit got really weird: he asked me if I was ovulating.

I’ll give you a minute to pick yourself up off the floor, because if you’re anything like me, you just fell out of your goddamn chair.

Okay, everyone still with me? It gets weirder, so hold onto your butts.

My initial assumption was that this douchenozzle was making some sort of PMS reference based on the fact that I was unwilling to entertain his close-mindedness with a debate. Nope! When I didn’t answer his question, he elaborated: ‘It’s nice to date someone when they’re ovulating,’ (Silence on my end). He continued with, ‘Meet me when you are ovulating and wear a short skirt.’

I miraculously resisted the urge to vomit all over my keyboard and join a convent. I told him he wins for creepiest thing any guy has said to me online, and that’s a tough title to get. He said accepted, and then I made use of the handy-dandy block button. 

I’m still at a bit of a loss for words as to just how fucked up this interaction was, and I’ve had to rely on memes to express my feels. Either he is the greatest troll of life, or people like that really do exist. Either way, no. Just no.