The joke is on you

Sometimes the dudes I date are more entertaining for my friends than they are for me. I completely forgot about one such example until last night (I actually set an alarm on my phone, while out drinking, to blog about him – this blog runs my life), but when this guy was around, my friends had tons of great material to bust my balls.

The Captain was great on paper: tall British pilot, not around a lot (this was a benefit for me, I had some space issues). In person, however, there was something missing. I couldn’t quite place my finger on it, but I would make jokes and he would just look at me like I started speaking in another language. Shit like that. We dated for a couple of months, but because he flew so much, we didn’t see each other very often, so it took me longer than it should have to figure out he was kind of boring.

In the meantime, the jokes at my expense were plentiful. I tend to refer to the dudes I date/like/stalk by nicknames, and I called this one The Captain. At one point I let it slip that he was a co-pilot, so literally every. single. time. he came up in conversation, I would be corrected with ‘Co-Captain.’ Great. My friend’s boyfriend, who came into this world with the sole purpose of annoying me, played Ludacris’ Area Codes every time I walked into their place, and made that my ringtone in his phone. That my roommate found this hilarious just encouraged him even more. I also made the mistake of sharing this anecdote: The Captain was getting ready to leave one morning (at the ungodly hour of 4am – his schedule alone should’ve been enough to gtfo), and his phone started ringing. His ringtone? Shaggy’s It Wasn’t Me. Stealth bro. Also, is it 2001?

One joke that will probably follow me to my grave (seriously, it’s been 10 years): my university boys refer to every dude I date/like/stalk as ‘Mike.’ Granted, I have dated an unusually high amount of Mikes in my time (and possibly three in a row), but if I mention a guy, one of them will holler, ‘Is his name Mike?’ to the approval/high fives of the rest of them. Guys, I get it. Time for new material, there is plenty to work with here.

Bad dates do make good stories, but maybe my friends don’t have to be quite so gleeful about my ongoing dating pratfalls? Or not, I’d probably definitely make fun of me too.


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