Steph Not Stephanie

I process best via talking things out — or writing them here. This is particularly applicable when it comes to dating in Toronto; I date by consensus. I have a handful of awesome advisors who talk me off the ledge at any given time (which, let’s be honest, is more often than not), who help me decipher and decode boy-speak, and who tell me when it’s actually time to panic and freak out (which is rarely ever).

This need for feedback can be attributed to my somewhat anxious personality. While I may come across cool as a cucumber (I think), I’m much more of a sweaty pickle. I wouldn’t necessarily say I’m high strung, but my therapist commented on my ‘nerves’ last winter, so there’s that. Some people get butterflies in their stomachs, I get motherfucking pterodactyls.

I’ve learned a few ways to deal with said feelings, and the best thing for me is to know what’s going on. Now I’m not saying I need a detailed itinerary of every moment of my life. In fact, contrary to my anxious nature, I very much prefer to go with the flow. I just need to know where that flow is going. Take travel for example: I don’t need to have every minute of my trip planned. I do, however, like to figure out transportation and a place to stay. The rest will sort itself out.

With that in mind, I’ve been seeing (Hanging out with? What are the kids calling it these days?) Tindude for a while now. I like him, I’ve told him as much, and there have been definite signs of like-age on his end. Most people wouldn’t deliver ginger ale to my hungover ass while I’m working at a food festival (Note to self: not the best place to be hungover). On the other hand, nothing has been discussed and I only know where my head is at. I can spend an infinite amount of time trying to figure things out, letting the pterodactyls hash it out in my stomach as I play choose your own adventure in my brain, and still not know where we stand.

So, I decided to put my big girl panties on and have the conversation. Okay, I sent a text message. I never said I was good at this. I’m not looking for a set-in-stone answer. I don’t need to be wifed up or have a label. I just need to have a general idea of travel plans, and make sure we’re heading in the same direction.

To be continued … ?