Life · stephnotchef

#StephNotChef

Since I left my second job at the orchard, I’ve found myself with some free time. I still manage to plan my way into filling some of it, but I’ve also been doing a lot more cooking. I’ve detailed my long journey from a girl who didn’t know what a clove of garlic was to someone reasonably skilled—sometimes even withoutrecipe—in the kitchen (in case you don’t want to click every dumb hyperlink but you still want to see my stupid food pictures, check out the whole lot over on Instagram, where there are cats too). I’ve been asked to talk about my cooking before, and I have briefly, but tonight I was armed with wine and groceries and a plan to write an actual cooking post. I’ve decided to take a culinary arts course in the winter, and cooking is something I’m really passionate about, so why not share? Well, friends and onlookers, peek behind the curtain filters and see what happens before my meals are picture perfect.

Step 1: Aquire wine. Especially wine with a ridiculous name.

Like you wouldn't buy a wine with this name too.
Like you wouldn’t buy a wine with this name too.

Step 2: Set up your green shit and necessary accessories. In my case, it’s music and my gloriously sharp Japanese steel. And wine.

Veggies, witty vegan cookbook, and classic rock. Recipe for success!
Veggies, witty vegan cookbook, and classic rock.

Step 3: Get chopping.

Evoo, sea salt, and cracked black: These are a few of my favourite things.
Evoo, sea salt, and cracked black: These are a few of my favourite things.

Step 4: Pause to take funny picture.

I have to beet this murder rap. BEET. GET IT? BEEEET.
I have to beet this murder rap. BEET. GET IT? BEEEET.

Step 5: Chop some more, unaware of what fate has in store for you and your veggies.

Sure, they look fine now.
Sure, they look fine now. Fuckers.

Step 6: Make a tasty sauce. And get balsalmic vinegar all over yourself and your kitchen.

Frozen mango: 1, food processor: 0.
Frozen mango: 1, food processor: 0.

Step 6.5: Abandon food processor. Wildly throw things into the blender. Maple syrup, evoo, salt, pepper? Sure!

That looks ... appetizing?
That looks … appetizing?

Step 7: Get your damn vegetables out of the oven.

Some of them anyway.
Some of them live there now.

Step 8: Drink more. It helps with the cleanup (as does having an agreement with your chef boyfriend wherein he does the dishes).

Our majestic national animal.
Our majestic national animal.

Step 9: Plate and take pictures of your beautiful meals. Roasted veggies with quinoa and balsamic mango sauce plus lunch for work, you kitchen goddess!

This betrays nothing that came before.
This betrays nothing that came before.
Mason jar salads for extra IG hipster cred.
Mason jar salads for extra IG hipster cred.

Steps 10 through 15: Spill wine on the pair of headphones that didn’t go through the wash last weekend, drink more wine (paired with dark chocolate), half-drunkenly write blog detailing cooking skills. #stephnotchef

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