I love kids. I love my friends’ kids, my cousins’ kids, random babies I see on the subway, I love kids. I spent time with some amazing kids this week, and even managed to survive a trip to the grocery store with a six month old and three year old intact (I also got to dig for dinosaurs, alternate between being Batman and Spiderman, and generally act a fool at the park as a sea monster). However, despite my affinity for these tiny humans, I have no desire to create any of my own. This seems to be an issue for a lot of people.
Acquaintances and new people – like dating prospects – are the biggest offenders. Their first question is usually “Why?” while they look at me like I just said I like to murder puppies. I don’t know who told them this was appropriate, but I might start responding by asking them why they had kids (with the same look of abject horror they give me). After I’ve explained the really deep reason I don’t plan to procreate (because I just don’t want to), I usually get, “Never say never,” or “You just havent met the right person.” I find this irritatingly condescending. Oh thank you for your input, person I barely know. You’re so right, you know me better than I do!
People who know me well aren’t completely off the hook on this one either. I get it, I confuse them when I am around children, but I promise my ovaries aren’t interested even though I am having a blast playing Thomas the Tank or remixing pop songs for an infant.
As much fun as kids are, they’re not for me. And while I fully expect many of you to screenshot this in case I change my mind, for now I am content to just be a really kickass sparent.