Steph Not Stephanie

I went out on a date last night that might go down in history as the biggest waste of time in my Toronto dating history.

I met this charmer on Tinder (where else) after widening my age settings to a ridiculously low number I have since changed. He was young, but quite polite and eager to get a drink. He chose a great bar and although we had to reschedule twice, he remained polite and eager. Earlier in the day he confirmed our plans to meet at 8pm.

I arrived a bit early, and let him know I was there and waiting at the bar. ‘Cool,’ he replied. ‘I’m on my way!’ At 8:10, I ordered a drink. At 8:15, I texted my friend Goldie and told her to meet me as even if he did show up, it would be a very brief date. Few things irritate me as much as unexplained lateness. I understand life happens, but have the fucking decency to text me. At 8:20, I asked him if we were at different bars. Nope, ‘Be there in 5!’ At 8:30, just as I finished my wine (and just before I could ask for my bill and get the fuck out of dodge) he walked in. Nary a word of apology nor an excuse was given, he just acted as if everything was a-okay.

Now I realize that his arrival would have been the best time to address it. I’m just not great at confrontation. So instead, I made my best pissed off face and participated in the standard chit chat while looking for my out. Goldie walked in and sat at a nearby table with a friend, and both joined me for a bathroom pow-wow about half an hour later. They decided I should just join them and stick him with the entire bill. However, I typically like to pay my way — especially if I have no intention of seeing someone again. That being said, I felt he owed me at least one drink for keeping me waiting without even so much as a message from these fancy computers we all have in our pockets. A random girl in the washroom agreed.

I returned to the table, chatted for a few minutes, and when a break in the conversation appeared, I took my chance. I put down $20 and said it had been nice but I was going to join my friends. I also decided I had held my tongue long enough, so I felt the need to give him some feedback when I saw him leave:

No, sir, that would not have been the correct course of action. The right thing to do would be to a) leave earlier, b) ask me to meet later, or c) have the fucking decency to mention it. Adding fuel to my growing fire: Barely 30 seconds after I hit send, the waitress came over and apologetically handed me a bill with my $20. ‘He paid for his and asked for yours to be separated.’ Not. Even. Kidding.

Goldie lost her shit, and the girl from the bathroom wanted to know what was up. We also filled in our waitress (whom he had tipped a measly two dollars for his own bill), and then the entire bar weighed in on the evening’s events — not one person had a favourable opinion of him. He was just plain rude. Is this what online dating has done to us, rendered us this socially inept?

This article just popped up in my newsfeed and the timing couldn’t have been better (pun intended). As a general rule, I’m pretty laid back. But this sort of bullshit? Ain’t nobody got time for that.