Dating · Friends

Pay up

This next entry is proof that if you pester your friends enough about writing a guest post for you, they will eventually do it. I’ve already had some lovely guest bloggers, and now I can add ‘Erica’ to the list. So, here she is, telling us what she really thinks about who should cover the tab. For the record, I can go either way, but if I’m definitely not interested in seeing the guy again, I insist on splitting the cheque. I’ve already had a crazy dude yell at me for not paying for my tea, I don’t relish the thought of that happening again.

 

The number of my friends who expect a guy to pay for everything on a first date (and even subsequent dates) has become increasingly alarming to me. These are educated women with good jobs. Women whom I have conversations with about women’s rights and the difficulties women can experience in the workplace. These are modern women, so shouldn’t they have a modern approach to dating?

I haven’t been on the dating scene for about two years now. When I started dating my current partner, he would often offer to pay for things, or would pay for them without even consulting me. The first time this happened, I thought it was a nice gesture and kindly thanked him. The second time it did, I told him I was willing to pay myself. The time after that I offered to get the bill (although he politely declined and insisted I not). Two years later we split bills, or cover each other back and forth. We’re both young; we’re both broke. Even if he had suggested we split the bill on the first date, I probably would have thought nothing of it.

Although I shouldn’t have to justify the way my partner and I handle purchases, I find myself often explaining to ‘modern women’ that I don’t expect him to fund my shopping habits or nice restaurant preferences.

“Why wouldn’t he just pay?” is often the question. “Well why WOULD he pay?” is always the reply.

I make my own money, and he makes his. Sure, in the future we may fund larger purchases together, but for now I’m content with keeping my hard-earned money to myself (and I’m sure he feels the same).

Many of my friends say a guy paying for things on a first date is just a kind gesture. Yes, it is. Anyone paying for anything for you is a kind gesture, but you should never expect anyone to pay. It would be an equally kind gesture if you offered to cover the bill yourself.

So ladies, please, next time you find yourself dancing to the early 2000s Destiny’s Child hit ‘Independent Women,’ think about all that it entails.

independent

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3 thoughts on “Pay up

  1. I had forgotten that I wrote a guest post. I went back and read it.

    I can’t believe an asshole I used to be.

    I’ve matured since then. I promise!

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