Steph Not Stephanie

I could not make this up if I tried. Life is funny sometimes; other times it is just so weird that your choices are to laugh or cry. I (usually) choose the former. I spent the last couple of days in my hometown celebrating my little sister’s graduation/contemplating my own future scholarly endeavours (I’m going back to school to be a mortician, but more on that later). My parents’ Internet puts the wtf in wifi, so I settled in at my favourite coffee shop to tackle my constantly-overflowing inbox.

I enjoyed maybe — maybe — 20 minutes of peace before I received a text from Ahab telling me I’m not crazy and he’s glad I finally know it. Jesus Rollerskating Christ. So we’ve established he’s still reading (hi!), and I should apparently be thanking him for helping me on my road to personal growth? This was after a freakout followed by silence since Monday over the most recent blog, but apparently the Hyde that inhabited his body during the break has departed, leaving the Jekyll I originally met in his wake. In addition to some ‘I wish you the best’ exchanges, he dropped quite the bomb: apparently, he loves/d me, something he thinks I should’ve figured out. I know I may be rusty, but I think the message got lost somewhere between him refusing to speak to me and declaring unilaterally that we take a break because I had the audacity to express my unhappiness about our lack of communication. Love, amirite? Oh, and all this over text. We haven’t actually spoken with our voices in a month and a half (not for lack of trying on my part). I hit my limit with an attempted conversation this evening, to no avail. Kthxbye.

Just to make things fun, while all this is going on, I discover that someone else I dated back in the day has made his debut in the world of adult entertainment. Is there a Hallmark card for this occasion? Something along the lines of,‘I hope more people pay for your porn than stream it on YouJizz’? Or is there some sort of congratulatory gift required in this situation? When you’re dating someone, you never envision receiving text messages from your friends with various and sundry commentary on his penis in your future. Goddamn, my life is weird.

Luckily I arrived back into the city just in time for World Pride and a bit of stoop time, including another visit from the brave Tindude™. The summer is young and so am I (ish), so let’s see where it goes. At least there will always be lots of sparkles and even more wine.