Steph Not Stephanie

We’re no stranger to awesome guest posts around these parts. That’s one of the advantages of having so many great writers in my life. My lovely friend Adrienne took the time to share her experience moving across the damn country (!!!) for love. You can check her out on Twitter to hear more of what she has to say, but here’s how she went from being a single Toronto gal to celebrating her one-year anniversary on the West Coast.

Dealbreakers. We all have them. No smoking, must be over 6 feet, brunette, no gingers (we need people with souls), can’t drink, MUST drink, has to love cats, can’t live with parents etc etc etc. One in particular I hear all the time, which often puzzles me, is distance.

I was recently told that a friend who lives in Oakville wouldn’t date someone in Toronto. Um, what? That’s not exactly the great divide! If that’s all that is holding you back from meeting or dating someone or continuing to date someone, perhaps it’s time to re-think your motives for dating in the first place. I figure if there is transit (and a will) there is a way! We’ll pick up and move for right house/apartment, school, job, climate – so why not for love? Why are we so quick to throw away the possibilities of finding that someone if it means an extra train ride or sitting in some traffic or even moving away? Well, even with nay-sayers in my wake, I did it: I moved from Toronto to Vancouver. I moved across the country for love.

To be fair, I met my handsome man while we did live in the same city but with only four months in, he had to hit up Vancouver for business and this was to be a permanent (at least for the foreseeable future) move. I panicked. I did NOT want to lose him. So, I had a choice: Let fear take over and give up what I was sure was going to be one of the most special things in my life or take a chance. A big, BIG chance. Fear is powerful, man, let me tell you! Your asshole brain makes you second-guess what you feel to be true and right. SHUT UP BRAIN,YOU DON’T OWN ME! I definitely had struggles leading up to the big move. I was constantly going back and forth, but always feeling like if I let distance take this from me, I would forever regret it. Even on the plane I was a mess and my poor aisle-mate had to deal with my pathetic weeping. Then, as I waited for my kitties to come off the plane with death stares from the crate, I saw him: I knew I had made the right decision and I still feel that way.

I’ve been here six months and it’s beautiful and lovely and it’s also amazingly hard. Love does not conquer all. Love is NOT all you need! Love doesn’t transport your friends and family to be by your side when you need them. Nor does it find you a job or make you money as you live in the most expensive city in the country. And honestly, sometimes, I do find myself floundering (and not in a fun, Disney, mermaid’s side-kick kind of way).

What love does, however, is give you a partner who supports you, challenges you, listens, and makes you laugh. Love holds you so tightly when you need a cuddle because at age 30 you’ve never lived this far away from your mommy and you miss her terribly. I’ve already had massive ups and downs in my new life on the West Coast. When we make these leaps of faith, I think it’s fair to expect that one of the challenges is finding the you in a new life. Therefore, I’ve given myself a goal: find myself, keep myself, and don’t lose myself.

What it all boils down, for me, to is that he is my match in every way. After years of bullshit and assholes and decoding vague texts and “nice guy” stalkers, I found him. And I’ll be damned if I let him go (I hope that sounded fiercely loving rather than scarily obsessed)! Believe it or not, I got (and still get) the occasional “you gave up your life for a guy?!?” comments, but they don’t bother me. I didn’t choose him OVER me, I chose him FOR me and I chose for my life! I choose him and me and this every single day. I know 100% that he would come with me if and when I need to go somewhere new. Even if it were halfway around the world, we would work to make it work, because when you find your match, your real partner in life, there is nothing important enough to break that deal. Well, maybe if he were ginger.